Hold On Songfic SamDean
by Shwatson94
Summary: Some spoilers! Based on seasons 3/4. Songfic inspired by 'Hold On' by Angus and Julia Stone


FIRST SONG FIC GUYS! FIRST SAM/DEAN WINCEST!  
please be kind; R&R!  
The song is 'Hold on' by Angus and Julia Stone and it's absolutely beautiful! So give it a proper listen Thankyou all 3

* * *

Since Dean had taken his little trip downstairs to Hell, Sam hadn't been able to shake the feeling that he was drifting further away from his brother. He was determined to make things right; no more lying to one another, no more secrets. He just wanted the truth.

"Dean" Sam had said one night after they'd found yet another skeevy, hooker motel to spend the next few days"Tell me about Hell".  
He turned the radio on so he wouldn't have to look Dean in the eye as he said it. As soon as the words came out, he wished he'd kept quiet. Sam turned to see Dean's reaction and it was nothing like he had imagined.

Dean's face hardened and his next words were hissed through clenched teeth. "Sammy, I can't talk about it. Not even to you" he stopped and swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. "You wouldn't understand"

This last comment felt like a kick in the gut to Sam and he flinched a little as the force of Dean's words settled in his mind.  
Sam chose his words carefully and began "I know, Dean but what you're going through, you can't go through it alone. I can help just don't shut me out here, man."

Dean smiled but it was weak and bitter. Of course ,that was Sam, always wanting to talk about his feelings followed by a damn hug and a slow dance. Well Dean wasn't like that, not when he had a choice, anyway.

"You don't get it Sam!" He bellowed as all Hell, no pun intended, broke loose. "We can't just talk things through like we're on the freakin' Brady Bunch! I went to Hell, okay? Not Summer Camp, so we're ending this talk now!"

From his corner of the room next to the radio, Sam walked over to the bed and sat down next to Dean who was purposely avoiding his gaze. Sam noticed his brother's eyes were red. "Not crying" Dean would say whenever Sam caught him shedding a tear or two "It's just your girly aroma messin' with my eyes, Sammy".

Sam saw how broken and vulnerable Dean was under his don't-give-a-crap exterior. He was hurting and he knew Sam knew it.

Dean looked up almost as if he'd heard Sam's thoughts and said "You don't have to worry about me. I'm 'sposed to be looking out for you, like dad said"

Sam scoffed and shook his head in frustration. "Dean, quit acting like you gotta save me all the time. It's crap and you know it. I can look after myself " He stopped, and looked down at his hands clenched in anger at his sides. "I did it when you weren't here"

At this, Dean looked up at Sam who was now the one on the verge on tears. "Well I'm back now and I'm not going anywhere, Sammy, you understand me?" Sam swallowed and nodded looking more concerned and scared than Dean had ever seen him.  
Dean reached out to put a hand on Sam's shoulder and gave him a little shake. "Hey" he whispered with a weak smile.

Sam looked at the hand as it dropped back to Dean's side and picked it up in his own. It was calloused, warm and safe. All these things reminded him Dean was alive, at least for now and it occurred to Sam that he could never remember a time when Dean had held his hand before, not even as a kid.

"Sam?" Dean questioned, breaking through Sam's thoughts "How you doing?"  
The radio was still playing, Metallica was replaced with a beautiful drum beat and a woman's soft voice.

_And I'm waiting for the day I know you've got your part  
And I'm waiting for the day I know you'll have the heart  
__And I'm hoping that you'll say  
That you loved me all this time But it turns out just the same_

It floated through the room as Sam thought of a reply. He settled on a half-hearted "I'm fine, Dean" and tightened his grip on Dean's hand.

Dean studied Sam's face for a minute before leaning over, slipping his hand out of Sam's and tracing his brothers' jawline with his thumb. Sam flinched then relaxed and said "Well, I'm tainted with Demon blood and you've come back from the dead. Twice. So we might as well do whatever before we die for good".

Sam meant it as a joke but it came out shaky and weak. Dean's voice broke as he whispered almost inaudibly " I'm not gonna lose you again, Sam. I'm staying right here with you. You're all I've got now"

"I know" Sam replied, leaning forward, closing the gap between their bodies.

The music drifted around the room lulling Sam into an almost hypnotic sleep.

_And I'm waiting for the day  
What am I waiting for?_

Dean moved his hand to the back of Sam's neck and pulled him closer, their lips pressed roughly together. The kiss was nothing like they expected. It was hot and desperate and messy but they didn't care.  
Sam's lips parted as Dean's tongue forced it's way in and in response Sam moaned, pushing further into Dean's body.  
Dean pulled at his brother's long hair, gathering it in his fists and running his fingers through it. The broke the kiss ,panting finally realising what everyone had been saying about them.  
They were each others' weakness and their insane need to sacrifice themselves for each other proved that.

They sat staring into space when Dean eventually whispered. It was hoarse and raw as he spoke.  
"I don't know if I can ever tell you what happened down there, Sammy. I just can't"

The song still played but it was coming to an end. The soft lyrics had changed , they were now filled with pain and hurt. As the last few notes died away, the words were clearly audiable in the silent hotel room.

_Hold on, what did you say that for?_  
_Hold on, what did you say that for?_  
_Hold on, what do you take me for?_  
_Hold on, what did you say that for?_


End file.
